I am so greatful for all the things I have seen, places I've been and people I have met for they are all part of this incredible journey I am lucky enough to call my life.
It can be a lonely journey at times and other times it is so full of life and love it's hard when each feather hops on its gust of wind that takes them on the path of their journey. Some feathers blow in and out of your life so fast it's hard to remember their colours...others may be around for weeks maybe a month or two at the most but nothing longer. Meetings and friendships are short lived as floating feathers never really settle.
Gusts of wind carrying feathers are always swirling around creating a harmonious havoc that has a tendency to cloud your mind but yet it's so beautiful you never want the moments to die and then another gust comes creating more havoc taking some feathers with it and leaving new ones behind all for more beauty and cloudiness to take place again.
Friendships and relationships are intensified in these gusts of havoc. You become so close so fast and sometimes only for a night but yet those moments, those talks, those feathers are the most important ones in your life and it almost seems impossible that you just met but already have to say goodbye. Some goodbyes are harder than others. Sometimes it's a hug and an "add me on Facebook", other times tears are shed with the hug, then there are the goodbyes that are more painful then anything you could imagine. This happens when the wind stops. It slowly dies down taking feathers one by one and then it stops completely leaving you to be dropped on the earth below of left over beer bottles, cigarette butts, dirty socks, a forgotten flip flop and some other feathers you have never seen before making your once familiar surroundings feeling like a place you don't know. Reality of your lost floating kicks in and you realize that you are once again on your own and you need to find your gust to get you back on your floating path.
It's hard to focus as you get so used to swirling around that being stationary makes you dizzy with emotion and confusion wondering how you can survive reality. The quietness seems so loud and unfamiliar you wish another gust would pick you up and swirl you into its beautiful havoc just to feel safe as being on your own is no longer familiar or seems possible. It's unbareable and painful and you miss your feathers...the ones that were swirling with you long enough to make a difference, the ones that cared and floated and swirled at the same speed as you loving every minute of the beautiful havoc that was magical. You want to know where they went and why they left or didn't take you on their gusts of wind with them?
It's hard to accept that sometimes we just can't get on that gust with someone, even though it may be something you both want it's just not the right gust for both of you as we must all float where our gust takes us not somebody else's.
Unfortunately two of my feathers had to float their own gusts leaving me in the rubble of last nights jäger bombs, new faces and an empty heart.
You don't always realize what other feathers are to you until the wind dies down and they keep floating and you fall.
I miss my feathers with all of my heart. I'm afraid the leftovers I have landed in are going to be difficult for me to clean up and get back on my gust.
Phil you were my second half, we spent every waking moment together doing everything from drinking brass monkeys, sharing meals, hanging out in the hammocks and talking about nothing and me listening to your randomness that I love so much. Infected and swollen feet became a thing, watching the World Cup, free shots, ABC parties, smurf parties, nap time, tying your foot to the top bunk, that's how we roll in my neighborhood and I'm the only one, Circus, being at Déjà vu till all hours of the morning, me not remembering how to get home, chicken sandwiches, hostel feet, the witch bar, free shots, snuggles, hopping a fence to pick me flowers, throwing socks in Ceyhans window and an incredible three weeks. I miss you more than words can say and the hole in my life that you have left seems unbearable. I still expect to see you when I get home from work only left with the reality that your gust of wind took you a week ago I wish our gusts were going the same way but I know they are not and the swirling havoc we shared has made it impossible for me to grasp the reality that you were swept away on the path that you are meant to take as I'm still here in a place I loved so much feeling unfamiliar. I feel like a part if me left with you on the gust of wind you had to take...I just hope you keep it close to your heart.
Ceyhan...you are my family, my bestfriend and confidant and my brother. The last two months have been a wild ride of beer pong, free shots, jäger bombs, hiking Misti, a horrible day trip, being broken hearted together, being depressed at the witch bar, chicken sandwiches, Circus, late night staff meetings, talks, hugs, teachers nights (there were so many), theme parties, I have an idea let's paint ourselves blue...absolutely the worst idea ever, brass monkeys and being eachothers support system. A gust of wind took Phil out of my life leaving me devastated and broken and now you hopped on your gust and blew out of my life too soon. You were my life line, my oxygen and I feel like I can't breath now that you are gone. You and Phil were my world and with both of you gone I feel like I'm floating off out of orbit even though I have crashed into last nights leftovers. I know I have had feathers leave before but you two have been the toughest ones to let blow away...I am an emotional reck without you guys here and the worst part is you guys are the ones I float to when I feel like this and now both of you have floated away. However, I'm a tough little feather and I know I will clean up our left overs of magic keeping some little tokens for myself and get back on my gust of wind that will take me where I need to go...hopefully meeting up with yours along the way. I love you two so much and you both have made such a mark on my heart it's hard to let go of what was. I'm so proud of both of you for getting back on your gust and going where you need to go weather it's to clear your head, find yourself...or to go home and sleep in the comfort of your own bed...whatever it is and wherever you may be please don't forget this little feather who loves you and misses you for she will be riding her gust soon to come and float by.
Rovers for Life
We were rockstars
- My Beautiful Life -
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