Mi Familia de Rover's

 

 All good things must come to an end and Im afraid its that time for my Arequipa adventure.  Im sad for many reasons;  one being I was so excited to move here and am disappointed that the job didn’t turn out as I had hoped and second of course saying goodbye to the incredible friends I have made while living in this great White City.

Goodbyes are tough after you have settled for awhile, and to be honest getting back on the road is s bit of a scary thing.  It is weird to be on an unknown road after spending so much time in a place that you now consider home.  But, it is time for this feather to jump on that gust and be carried away,so with a saddened heart, a swollen cheek, bloody knee, a few extra kilos in my body, paint stained clothing and the echo of dice in my ears I would like to say thank you.

Thank you so much for the incredible memories of UV nights, toga parties, drag parties, bar dancing, drunk topless backpackers,   Circus, Déjà vu, extremely late nights at Peace and Love, BARRACHAS, the stench of the staff room, smurf nights, Teo always managing to get people naked especially my goodbye party, free shots, smart shots, brass monkeys, rock star status, late night strip shows at circus only to wake jp with business cards in hour pants, infections, street dogs, chicken sandwiches,Arturo’s picnic, sushi nights, civiche lunch’s, my favourite bar in the world, and a family.  I have never had so much love from a group of people, you opened up your hearts, your arms and lives and gave me everything for no reason at all.  There are no words to express my love for you guys.  You are truly my family and I miss you guys so much already, even those of you who have already floated away.

It’s weird to think I am not going to see you guys everyday.  Sandra for being there to greet me every morning. Teo with your swagger and the only Peruvian I know who speaks better English than the gringos, and somehow you have a creepy psycho way of knowing everything, I will miss your ass slaps however my ass needs a rest your hand has left an imprint, don’t find another dance partner while I’m gone.  Jen, the love of my life, so much has happened since you left, it seems like just yesterday that you left, hurry and come back to me please.  Loquito for your bad drunken spelling and always making sure I got home. Claire it was only a short time but I still

miss you, our straw dresses, missions and girls night I love you.  Will, I have worked in many bars over many years and you are by far one of the best managers I have had, you are so laid back and always let me get away with everything.  You have done so much for me and I will miss your smile and hour carefree attitude, you are like my brother and took me in when I crashed after the guys left, thank you for making me apart of your family.  Arturo, thanks for giving me a job and changing the schedule I will not forget your kind heart  when I was at a low point estas mi amor.   Monica estas mi pequena barrachas.  Carlo, dont cry I will be back mi ermano, te amo.  To the little women on the street corners that sell the chicken burgers, I never told you but I love you, your burgers make me happy and fill my tummy , whenever I need food you are there, except one time you were sold out, but you are forgiven, thank you for filing my tummy and giving me a few extra kilos that I am taking with me, I would love to take you but didn’t think it would be appropriate, I will miss you. Titi, you have the biggest heart I know, you are always there and doing things for people around you and never asking for anything in return, I promise to come back to you so don’t worry.  Claudia, what can I say here, estas mi ermana, I love you so much girl, you became one of my best friends after the guys left, you were always there when I needed a hug, a glass of wine or just a girl talk (about penis’ lol), follow me when you can.   Eric, you could always make me smile, just seeing you made my heart light up, thanks for being your crazy Irish self even if it means Phil and I carrying you home, I love you brother and will see you soon. Too my Germans who came when I really needed people like them in my life, thanks for the smiles the laughs, talks

with Tobi and Lea being my drinking partner, especially when it came to 18 rounds of dice.  Ceyhan, you have no idea how much everyone has missed you and can not wait for you to return.  I miss your crazy ways, your barefeet behind the bar, teachers nights, your clapping, “come on guys”, your hugs, our talks and well I really just miss you so hurry up and get back here.  Phil, I changed after you left, my focus and what I want to do and where I want to be all changed when you got in that cab.  Its not a bad thing, sometimes we need to be awakened mentally even if it hurts like crazy. You have inspired me more than you know and it has really helped me get back on my gust. Thank you for the moments and the memories.  And last but not least….Freddie, you are by far one of the most incredible people I have had the pleasure of meeting.  My love for you is strong and I am extremely gutted I had to say goodbye.  We were always close but we got even closer after Ceyhan and Phil left, it was almost like a safety thing, like we both felt safest when the other one was there.   You always put me first and would drop whatever it was you were doing when you saw I was in need of a friend.  I will miss our talks and late night conversations in the staff room. To being the only two people working, peace and love, after hour rum in the room, all the times we kicked you out for nap time and being the only person to (still) see my tears.  You are my brother, and I will miss you till the end, please go home and take your course, I don’t need to worry about you.  Please take care of you as Im not there anymore to wake you up for work or make sure you are home ok.  Just remember you are the last one standing.

Well with tears in my eyes and a wave of my hand I am on my way to begin a new adventure. This feather has finally found her gust and is ready to float along with two new feathers.

Ciao for now mi familia de rovers, te amo.

3 2 1 Wild Rover

Barrachas!!!

 

 

 

Volunteering in Chivay.

As most of you may know (for those of you that read/follow my blog), I have been going through a difficult and emotional time.  It has been a struggle of mixed emotions, an aching heart and a clouded mind and me swimming through the maze of confusion trying to find that one opening in the thick grey water that would lead me to sanity and some sort of focus.

Days of flooded eyes and emotional exhaustion seemed never ending, but I kept swimming, kicking my way to the surface, even when I felt like my lungs would fail me I didn’t stop.  I held onto that one opening with that small ray of sunlight; I kicked as hard as I could finally reaching the surface and taking in as much oxygen as my lungs would allow.

It rained… actually poured down on me.  Reality, dissolution, the what was, the what is, the what could be all came flooding down on me from the sky making it hard to see anything at all.  But just like after any hard rain it finally stopped, leaving a fresh smell of rebirth and a clear new vision as if all the toxins, dust and leftovers have been washed away with only the things that need to be left are left.

It wasn’t easy, the crashing, the swimming and then the downpour.  I was exhausted and I still am, not just emotionally but physically and mentally.  I have been working two jobs.  Over a month ago I moved out of the house as I couldn’t afford the rent so I moved back into the hostel where I have been bartending every night (it pays for rent, one meal a day and a discount) and then teaching during the days.  In 6 weeks between teaching, working at the bar and volunteering I have had two days off.  I don’t know I have done it without physically collapsing but I have, but the exhaustion has not helped when trying to find my wind.

However, volunteering has helped me.  It actually was the opening I found in the murky waters of my confusion. 

I had been looking forward to going since my first week teaching, but when the time actually came around to going I was hesitant.  Phil had just left and Ceyhan was leaving in a few days and I was emotionally unstable and had no energy to even talk to or even smile, but I knew people were depending on me to go and deep down I knew I needed some time away from the hostel hoping maybe it would clear my head.

The three hour bus ride there was what I needed.  For some reason, bus reds always clear my head.  Maybe it’s looking out the window at the landscape or not having an obligation to make conversation but by the time we got to Chivay I felt a little bit better.

Chivay is a small town just at the beginning of Colca Canyon.  It is situated in a valley of a dusty grey and brown patchwork-like landscape surrounded by sharp mountainous cliffs. There is really not much to it, it’s quite small.  There is a night market where you can get lomo Saltado – an amazingly yummy Peruvian dish – and emoliente, vegetables, fresh bread and other yummy stuff.  I bought emolliente, a mix of hot spices and tea, served in a plastic bag and a straw in it….soooo yummy and is perfect at keeping you warm at night as it gets so cold.  At night I slept in leggings, wool socks, long sleeve shirt, knitted cardigan, my toque and four blankets….yup Canada cold.

There is no heat at the school as there is only electricity certain hours of the day which doesn’t include the night time so layers are a must.  

The school is located five minutes outside of the city centre.  It’s its own community with a playground, volleyball area, green houses, mess hall, living quarters, class rooms, a fountain in the small plaza. It is all all safely kept by the gated entrance and back drop of jagged edge cliffs.

We first got to meet the children.  They were in awe and so excited to meet us. At the top of their lungs they started shouting “Hi!!! How are you?!?” then they broke into song that went something like Hello friend how are you? How are you?  I am fine thank you, I am fine thank you… it was great!!!! It was such a different atmosphere then teaching in Arequipa…it was exactly the type of environment I had pictured myself teaching in when I was getting certified…I was so excited for the next day.  But before teaching the kids we sat down with the Tia’s (aunt’s) that night and gave them an hour long English lesson as they speak no English.  We just taught them the basics, hello, how are you?  What is your name? My name is… where are you from? All to be followed with the phrase in Spanish so they would understand.  Hi how are you?  Hola como estas?  Good thank you and you?  Bien grazies e tu.  I’ll tell you…I learned basic Spanish quite fast that weekend as even with the kids the next day we would have to go from Spanish from English.

I would hold up a picture on my tablet – which they had never seen before, they were so amazed by it and were even more amazed when they discovered they could make a picture bigger and smaller with the touch of their fingers – lets say of a banana, I would then say “que es un platano en ingles?” Then we would tell them and they would repeat.  There were two of us teaching this class as it is the biggest class and they are a handful…15 of them all between the ages of nine and twelve…why we gave them candy is beyond me…it just increased their energy and drained ours in the process, but it was all worth it.

They were so eager to learn which made it exciting; and when we weren’t in the classroom they never wanted to leave our sides.  I had one little girl wrap herself around my front and refuse to let go, even for lunch.  The only way to get them off of you is to tell them you have to go to the bathroom, but even they will wait outside the living quarters for you to return.  It’s kind of like a zombie movie, except with kids.

I felt really good after the weekend, exhausted but good.  I was so happy that I had gone, I had really needed to get out of the hostel for a night and breathe and not be surrounded by memories that wouldn’t let me escape their strong hold.  My head felt a little clearer and I was hoping it would help me get my focus back.  

I went again two weeks ago.  This time I had toys for the kids from a backpacker at the hostel and I also had letters.  I had my class work on writing a letter for the kids at the school.  I thought they were just going to write letters but man did they surprise me.  The had coloured paper, stickers, they made envelopes, drew pictures, they really went all out…and what they wrote was just amazing.

We got an early bus so that way we could enjoy Chivay.   There was a celebration going on.  They were playing music and dancing in the street. One lady came and pulled us into the circle and we danced with them.  As we were dancing three crates of beer were brought out and us gringos kept dancing while the locals enjoyed the beer…what is wrong with this picture?  Just as my tastebuds started to crave some beer they started handing it out.   Basically you take sip and pass it on, or they fill up little cups and then when you are done they refill it or take the cup and pass it on.  We were having a great time.  We went and bought a few beers and shared with them to say thanks.   We talked with them in very broken Spanish for about an hour.  We learned that there was a bull fight so we headed to the arena.

The arena was built into the stone cliffs, it was like a mini Odeon…it was pretty cool…however the bullfight wasn’t great.  They kill the bulls, its horrible.  The audience even taunts it by throwing beer on it.  One matador was interesting to watch, he was graceful and danced with the bull, even getting close enough tout his hand on the horn of the bull.  Then he stabbed it with his sword, the secondary matadors come out and taunt it.  It was awful, they hurt it then play with it, I honestly could feel its pain and then with once quick move he stuck his sword in its neck and it dropped to the floor.  I was crying, it is such a horrible sport, killing it for entertainment, I felt like i had witnessed a murder. I would definitely not attend another one.

Teaching was great but exhausting as I didn’t have another teacher to help, but it was still worth it.  The kids were so happy to see us, they remembered us which was great.  They were all over us and kept saying “Tia. Enamorado de ti.”  Lol which means I am in love with you.   They are so full of love and happiness and just want to constantly be near you.  At one point I was surrounded…three were doing my hair, four were checking out my rings and bracelet and wanting to know where they were from, another one was checking out my eyes and telling the others they were green.  I felt like a movie star lol. 

I consider myself extremely lucky to have been able to volunteer there.  I would love to be able to continue but I have quit my job at the school.  I love teaching but was not happy there, there are some things there that Im not overly keen about so I made a tough decision and quit.   

Don’t worry…I have found my gust of wind…this little feather is off for a new adventure.

 

   

 

Oxygen

An Arequipa city map still sits on the bottom of the pool, though the left overs of peoples one night mistakes and unwanted decisions no longer float in the once murky waters of the pool which seem to be less polluted these days. Maybe its because I see the pool as a representation of my brain which is starting to clear and feel less murky, so I see the pool in the same way.

A small ray of sunshine has managed to find its way through the thick confusion of my crash landing into dirty waters of what was, and guided me to the top where I have finally come up for air, inhaling as much oxygen into my thoughts and lungs as possible.  I let it run through my veins pumping clarity and focus back into my blood stream and brain waves.  I have allowed myself to walk back into silence's open door of tranquility and solitude.

Solitude, sounds lonely, and I was scared to go back to it, to let go of the moments and the love of the leftovers that I was dropped into.  Even though I was  scraping the ground and bumping into random things I almost felt that doing that was better...because I felt if I accepted the truth it would all be lost, lost in the other forgotten memories and trinkets of others.  Letting go can be hard, especially when you are the one left to sort through the rubble and keep what needs to be kept.

When your havoc stops and you are dropped, confusion makes it difficult to make sense of anything leaving you questioning everything.  There is so much scattered around you that you don't know where to begin.  Sorting seems impossible, the thought of going through everything and trying to find your way through the maze feels never ending.  Giving up seems to be the easiest option, but the thought of continuing in a murky vision is unappealing enough to make you push through it to find that one little ray of light, that one little ray of hope to lead you to clean, fresh oxygen.

My brain is still a little cloudy...but I suppose after coming out of a dirty pool we will all come out with a little bit of a film of dust on us, and I'm ok with that. Its a film, not a burden of leftovers but a dusting of beautiful memories, the ones that I am meant to keep. 

The sobriety of focus and  tranquility is an incredible feeling...and the colors of my feather seem to have brightened up again and instead of scraping the bottom I have lifted off the ground trying out different gusts to see which one is going to take me where I need to go.

The overtired playlist still plays, but the sounds of dice and a countdown has subsided almost into silence.  It is sad because the life and vibe of our havoc is gone yet being able to breath is a relief so it can be confusing...but I know accepting  the silence and tranquility is reality, and reality and I get along.  I'm still a little sad as I deeply miss my feathers that have blown away, but now instead of endless water filled moments with my eyes, a smile escapes my lips when I remember.

Remembering is great but to live in extinct moments is not the way to live and I can't miss out on other havocs with other beautiful feathers out there.

So with a smile, I lightly dance on the wind ready to get on the gust that is meant for me because this feather is ready.

Stoy en control total de mi Vida.

And to my ray of light....my parents...thank you, you were there when I took my first breath and you gave me another when I needed it ...I am grateful x


                                                                                                                      - My Beautiful Life -